Holiday's

So Christmas is around the corner and i'm excited and yet nervous at the same time. this is AJ's first Christmas and I'm not feeling very festive this year. we don't have a tree, or lights, or anything. I just don't don't know I mean he isn't one yet so I don't know if he even knows what it all means. and at times i feel like I'm depriving him of the Christmas spirit, like is he going to grow up and remember this year and think that its just another day? idk, who knew motherhood would be like this......everything makes you think, makes you wounder, makes you smile, makes you cry, i have been through every emotion in the past three months than i have in my whole life..... but would i trade it or go back in time...no never