Alone

Sometimes I feel like I am raising my son alone, I mean I am still with the father but I never really get any help. I cant even take a shower w/o the fear that something is going to happen. Today I asked him to watch the baby while I get ready for work, and he tells me I'm tired, I have a lot of respect for moms who are doing it alone alone, because its not easy. it almost seems like I have two kids not one....what would happen If i just got up and walked away, or got in the car and drove away sometimes I think like that but then I look at my baby, my son, my child and the thought goes away as quick as it came. I wouldn't want him to feel like me, to have once to had a parent who loves you and plays with you, to just turn their back on you, and you try and try to make them see you, love you again show them i'm still the same why aren't you...but they keep getting further and further away. IDK really sometimes I wish I had the type of relationship you see on tv, but I kno thats a crazy thought right?...... but any who, now that I have vented, I have realized that my son is not like normal babies ( how many moms clam that fact?) he is so special, and silly today when he woke up, he was looking at me and I was looking at him...then he ust bust out laughing and so did I, these are the moments that make everything easier....